The Value of EMPATHETIC LISTENING

The Key to building a True Connection.

How to Strengthen and Improve the Quality of your Relationships.

"Showing Empathy is one the most purest acts of kindness you could possibly offer someone."

Have you ever had someone come to you in distress seeking for comfort but you struggled with what to say or do?

Maybe it's because you're afraid of saying the wrong things.

Perhaps you don't believe your actions will make a difference.

Or maybe you're just simply not the best at communicating or even regulating intense emotions.

If any of these sounds like you, I'm here to tell you that nine times out of ten, all your loved one wants and needs right now is an Empathetic Listener out of you.

What exactly is an Empathetic Listener?

An Empathetic Listener is - someone who is able to show compassion by keeping an open mind and open heart. They set the vibe by creating a safe space to make whoever the person they are talking to feel valued and heard.

Why is Empathetic Listening Important?

Empathetic Listening is the key to building true connections with others.

This is valuable because it can strengthen and improve the quality of your relationships.

I believe that as human beings, it is an essential need of ours to feel heard and understood. When this doesn't happen we get tense and frustrated. We feel closed off, lonely, abandoned and sometimes even shut down.

Speaking from observation and experience, I've noticed that most people find it difficult to exercise enough patience to listen to others. Now I get it. We are not always attuned to everything that happens around us. More so to other people because we are all too focused on our own lives. However, it is important to keep in mind that everyone is also going through something. You never know when you could be the one to make an actual difference for someone else.

If you are a heavy empath like myself, I hope you find anything here relatable.

If you are not, allow me to share some things that Empathetic Listening entails.

EMPATHETIC LISTENING FACTORS:

BE PRESENT.

If your true intention is to really be there for someone, it is essential that you are present with who you are listening to. This means getting rid of any distractions. These days that would mean THE CELLPHONE. Put it away, keep it on silent and refrain from checking it unless it is an emergency. You need to realize that by you taking the time to come out and support this person, you have already made a commitment to be there for them so you don't want to make them feel like you have somewhere else better to be. Keep in mind that it takes a lot for a person to open up when they are vulnerable. Therefore, you must be considerate to their feelings and be mindful to fully engage with them.

BE INTERACTIVE.

Active listening is all about social cues. Make eye contact when the person is speaking and watch your body language. Refraining from eye contact could make the other person feel like you are not paying attention and fidgeting could indicate that you are bored or anxious to leave. Try to paraphrase the person you are speaking with. This lets the person know that you are truly listening and that you actually care. Also try asking follow up questions to what they have told you. This shows them that you were actually paying attention and are interested.

MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL VALUED.

When someone is upset they have already defaulted to feeling all things negative. Try to speak life into the person feeling down. Say words of encouragement or even positive affirmations. Here are some examples:

- "You are loved and supported even when you don't always see it."

- "You are capable of greatness."

- "You are beautiful and strong."

Take a moment to come up with your own!

Whoever said that words don't matter was the biggest liar. Our words are powerful. Speaking positivity can actually give life! Talk about valuable! Most of us find it harder to confront our emotions so we take the easier route by dismissing them instead. While the importance of Mental Health is rising, I think that it is important that we contribute to making it a social norm to help others feel like their emotions and well-being matter.

MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL HEARD.

To make someone feel heard, consider asking open ended questions. An open ended question is a question that does not require a yes or no answer. It requires an answer with depth. For instance, instead of asking someone: "Are you okay?" Try saying, "Tell me how you're feeling. What is bothering you the most?" This leaves room to create an actual conversation with the person's response. This will also give you more clarity and insight of the situation by being provided with more details that could increase your engagement which the person will most likely really appreciate.

DO NOT DEGRADE.

Have you ever listened to someone tell you a story and you didn't agree with their choices? Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but it is crucial that you do not overstep. Whether or not you agree or disagree with a situation, you should not let your own feelings and opinions get the best of you. Refrain from giving any advice unless the person asks for it. Try to keep and openminded perspective. Remember, loved ones are supposed to be support systems. You want to be able to lift that person up, not tear them down. The last thing you want to imply is that you are being judgmental. When someone is going through something their emotions are already tense. It takes a lot of energy to backtrack scenarios and emotions to put together a story to tell - especially if it's not a good one. So just sit back, chill out and feel out the vibe before you decide to give your two sense.

DETERMINE HOW INVESTED YOU ARE.

Empathetic listening requires a lot of patience because it inquires a lot of depth and presence. Listening to someone for hours on end can become draining for both of your energies. Therefore, it is important to know your limits before you help someone else. Know when to stop talking and listening. Think of it as setting a healthy boundary. If you start to feel emotionally exhausted politely communicate that effectively. This demonstrates keeping it real. You're protecting your own energy while being mindful of the other person at the same time. It will show that you still care and doesn't make the other person feel dismissed.

BE GENUINE AND KNOW YOUR INTENTIONS.

In my personal opinion, I believe that "Vulnerability equals Bravery." When someone chooses to open up about themselves, I think of this as showing great courage because it is definitely not an easy thing to do. With that being said, Empathy and Trust go hand and hand. And I'm not referring to just the "don't tell my secret" kind of thing. I want to emphasize one's trust in your genuineness and your intentions. Quite disappointing to say, but where drama happens most people tend to follow. Don't show up just to find out the inside scoop or get in on the latest story because that would be misguided. Be mindful of your contributions to a situation. Put in effort to be supportive, offer some value and try to remember that you're not obligated to fix anything or find a solution.

A KEY TAKEAWAY:

There are no "requirements" to being Empathetic. You don't have to be good with words. You don't have to share similar experiences. It's okay to not completely understand someone if or when you don't. Everyone goes through different things and has different experiences that we cannot always relate to. As long as you let them know that you are there for them and are willing to listen that should be enough for them to appreciate you.